A little break

I feel a little guilty that I want to get home so badly, but I miss our boys terribly. I miss cool weather, and I miss sleeping in my own bed.

We got a much needed break the past 2 days. Took a taxi to Nagarkot, hiked on trails and dirt roads (not much more than than a trail), got caught in a Monsoon downpour, and heard nothing but birds and the occasional cricket. Rising at dawn to see the sunrise over the himalayas was a bust, but it really didn’t matter. The cool mountain air and the peace and quiet are what we really went for.


It was a little hard at night for Shanti. She went to sleep just fine, but when she woke up in the middle of the night in entirely unfamiliar surroundings, she was consoled only by sleeping in my arms in a chair and even then only after a bottle and about 45 minutes of wailing. I’m sure getting on a plane and sleeping in new surroundings at our home with two brothers will be an adjustment for her. I really wish I had a week or two before I had to go back to work to help smooth her transition…..but we’ve will have been gone almost 4 weeks as it is, and bills have to be paid, and life must go on.

That being said, Miss Shanti has come out of her shell….way out. From my lap, she flirts with people across restaurants, smiling and giggling, then turning away….only to turn back to see if they are still looking….causing a whole new cycle of smiling and giggling. She’ll wander even 15 feet from me to explore her surroundings…unless someone says something to her which causes her to run back to the safety of my lap. She still clutches a washcloth when she’s in new surroundings (she rejected all baby blankets in favor of a Yak and Yeti white washcloth), and she still needs to be able to keep me in sight, but that’s pretty normal for a 16 month old. As I said, we expect a rough first week or so at home….she’ll have to adjust to very different smells, sights, and most of all sharing mommy with two brothers. But all in all, I think she’ll weather the transition just fine…..


Now just to make it through the next 42 hours traveling home.

We're coming home, Baby!

Finally, one full week after submitting our paperwork to the U.S. embassy, they approved our case and called to say that they were ready to issue a visa for Shanti. I can now breathe a huge sigh of relief. The embassy was _very_ thorough; thorough to the point of visiting the orphanage, and in some cases interviewing personel at the police station that issued the report of abandoned child. I suppose it is a good thing for them to be so meticulous at evaluating the information regarding our child….but it still is nervewracking.

So now the government of Nepal and the government of the United States both recognize Shanti as our daughter. This was the last big hurdle. We’re coming home baby!

Unfortunately our airline doesn’t have any flights out of Kathmandu until Friday. So tomorrow morning we head out to Nagarkot for some peace and quiet. Then Friday we head home! This has been a long 3 ½ weeks away from our boys. We miss them dearly.

Tired of waiting

Monday we wait by the phone….hoping to hear news from the embassy that Shanti’s visa is ready and can be picked up. Around 11 AM we get the call, but not the one we’re hoping for. They say they will call again Tuesday morning. Are there any problems? I ask. “No, we just want to be sure we’re thorough”.

We’ve seen most of the major sites of Kathmandu and the Kathmandu Valley. Both J and I are “templed out”. We’re both a little tired of the traffic, noise, and the constant barrage of people trying to sell us thankas and pashima shawls. We don’t leave until Friday, but we would so love to have Shanti’s visa in order so we could get out into the countryside at Nagarkot, where the air is clear, the temperature is less muggy, and there is no traffic jams.

I can tell I need a little break. I’m beginning to focus on the seamier aspects of Kathmandu….The boy laying on the sidewalk huffing gasoline from a plastic bag, the raw sewage running down the street, the dead rat I step over, the beggerwoman and her skinny baby I try not to make eye contact with. I don’t want these to be the things that I focus on. They’re part of Kathmandu, but they’re not all of it. The people are generous and kind. No one here yells in traffic jams that would be sure to bring out road rage in people in the US. Hindi get along side by side with Buddhists, everyone we come in contact with has been warm and helpful, people share whatever they have even when they have so little. The land and the people are so beautiful. These are the lasting memories, the memories I will teach Shanti about her country of birth as she grows.

Attachment is a process

Attachment is a process, not a moment. I am reminded of this because after days of a giggling smiling little girl, last night Shanti woke up in the middle of the night crying. She hasn’t done this before, and I was able to comfort her within 5 minutes. Today, I’ve noticed she’s not the same smiling little girl we’ve seen over the past few days. She is more clingy, more prone to tears at simply telling her not to touch mommy’s computer. We work to make sure she know’s we’re here for her and we will never leave her. By the afternoon, she is back to her playful, giggling personality.

Although brief, it reminds me that attachment is a process, and we will have our ups and downs as we learn to be a family together.

Just pictures

From past two days visits to Boudnath and Swayambunath

The Details

A lot of people have been wondering how we know what to do and when to do it. The details of the process (when to go and where to go) , transportation to and from appointments, orphanage visits, and the grocery store is all done by our Nepal representative. He also goes to each appointment at various Nepal ministries, doctor appointments, and US embassy to explain what we need done. In most cases, I only fill out the forms and sign them (also two interviews: the Ministry of Women Children and Social Welfare, and U.S. Embassy). The rest is done by the Nepal representative. He also arranges for translation of documents from Nepali to English (for the U.S. Embassy), checks to make sure everything is correctly signed, dated etc. In addition, because the process in Nepal is completely new our U.S. based Nepal program director flew from Oregon to Nepal and has been with us and our Nepal rep from the first day to be available in case any issues came up (and she has been very busy).

The only thing that we arrange on our own is meals (because we don’t like to eat at the overpriced hotel restaurant), and sight seeing. For those we take our lonely planet guide, and head out. Walking for close trips, taxi for longer trips. You could take a local bus which is much cheaper, but with a new child, I wouldn’t do it; or you could go on organized tours. In addition you really have to listen to what your child can tolerate. Shanti has been great. She loves to watch what’s going on and likes to wave bye bye to people as we pass. However not everyone’s child will react this way. Some families are pretty much stuck to the hotel because going out is too stressful for their children (who already are under a lot of stress given the change from orphanage life to western hotel life)

Here has been our schedule so far:

Day 1-6 Visit with our daughter (she was still living at orphanage)
Day 7 Meeting with the Ministry of Women Children and Social Welfare– Final Adoption Decree Signed – we’re her parents!
Day 8 Go to Ministry of Foreign affairs 2 times, to apply for our daughter’s Nepal Travel Document (like a passport). Embassy Doctor appointment afterwards.
Day 9 Free time (no appointments) (Saturday visit Swayambhunath)
Day 10 Back to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs to receive Nepal Travel Document. Back to Doctor’s for receiving labs done and having embassy health paperwork filled out (Visit Bahktapur)
Day 11 Paperwork being translated into English for the US Embassy. Go to CIWEC clinic for exam and labs. Go to Holt’s orphanage for Children’s day
Day 12. Go to U.S. Embassy to submit Visa application paperwork. (Run errands in Thamel)
Day 13 Embassy calls at 11:45 – Our appointment is…….the next day at 11am (afterward go back to Swayambunath to see if we can find out exactly where Shanti was found)
Day 14 Embassy appointment (afternoon go to Thamel, Kathesimbhu Stupa, and Durbar Square in the afternoon
Day 15 wait for embassy phone call until 11:30– no info, they will call again Monday. (Visit Bodanath – and re-arrange air tickets)
Day16 wait , Sign another paper for the ministry – free time (Saturday)(Visit Bahktapur orphanage.
Day 17 wait - Sunday US embassy isn't open - visit Patan (Lalitpur)
Day 18 wait for phone call - 11:30 U.S. embassy calls to say they're not done... they'll call Tuesday morning.
Day 19 wait for phone call - 11:00 U.S. embassy calls - We're approved, but they don't know if they'll be able to print out the Visa today or not...(printer problems)We head out for a celebratory lunch and come back at 1:45...Yikes! The called while we were out and want us at the embassy at 1:15. We hop a taxi and make it by 3:00...and after an hour we have her IR3 Visa in hand!
Day 20 Off to Nagarkot 9 am --- Heavenly, quiet, cooler.
Day 21 Stay just outside of Nagarkot until 4 pm
Day 22 11 am leave for Flight back to USA !

Waiting....

We spend a lot of time waiting. Waiting for appointments, waiting for officials to sign documents, and waiting to find out what the day’s plans will be.

Yesterday we submitted our I600 forms to the embassy. We arrived at 1pm and didn’t get out of there until close to 4:00. It was a really long wait for Shanti and the other children especially since it meant they all missed their naps. The embassy personnel said they’d call this morning around 10:30 to let us know when we’ll be able to get our visa interview appointment. Because we were hoping that they might give us an appointment today, we couldn’t make any plans….just in case. 10:30… 10:45… .11:00… 11:15… 11:30. Finally at almost noon we get the call. We have an appointment tomorrow (Thursday) at 11AM. Then we wait until they give us the Visa….if no problems 2-3 days after the interview. I still have hope we might be able to leave September 21…but it’s fading fast.



Once we got the call we realized that we had the afternoon free. We walked to Thamel, on to Kathesimbhu Stupa, and finally on to Durbur Square to take a obligate photo of one of the Sadhus. We knew he would expect to get paid to take his photo, but were surprised that he wouldn’t take the 50 rupee we offered….apparently he’s a premium Sadhu and requires 100 rupee. The boys in the square flew kites made out of bits of plastic and wood and seemed to be having contests with who could get their kite the highest.

It was a lot of walking, but it felt good to be out of the hotel (even if much of it was spent dodging homicidal motorcycle drivers).
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Small World

We decided to have Shanti get an exam at a western style clinic while we were still in Nepal for two reasons. One was that we wanted her to be tested for a couple of infectious diseases that had not been done. Second, I wanted to speak with a local doctor about what were the likely and typical diseases she might be exposed to here in Nepal so I could know to watch for them once we returned to the US. So we made an appointment at the CIWEC clinic for a basic physical exam appt.

The CIWEC clinic is a very nice western style clinic staffed with doctors, nurses and receptionists fluent in English. It’s very clean, well lit and friendly. The charges are similar to western charges, but not bad at $55 for a visit plus whatever labs you have done. It specializes in travel medicine, but has full family medicine and pediatric services as well. It has a great website at:

www.ciwec-clinic.com

We are ushered in after a basic history vitals done the nurse, we move to another room and the doctor (Ravi Vadlamudi) comes in and we start to talk. When he learns we’re from Alaska, he asks if we know RN. Shockingly, we do, he’s one of the ER docs at the hospital I work at and our kids are in daycare together. Turns out Ravi and RN were in the peace corps in Nepal in the 90’s. Ravi is a family medicine doctor who previously was a faculty member of the family medicine program at Tulane University Medical School, who had recently moved to Nepal with his wife, an infectious disease specialist, and their two children.

So I was impressed with the CIWEC Clinic, got the tests and info I needed and realized that it really is a small world.


Gotta love those smiles!

Nepal Children's Conservation Home

Yesterday we got the chance to visit another orphanage, Nepal Child Conservation Home, which is sponsored by our agency. All I can say is what a wonderful job the director and Holt is doing. The children were laughing, the walls had murals painted on them, there were photos of the kids on the walls throughout the house. It seemed to be a genuinely loving environment. It was children’s day and so the children each had a special box of sweets and fruit to eat. They passed them out youngest to oldest. The children sang songs and danced. There were about 5 caretakers for the 23 children. The director said that they have special celebrations with the children, including celebrating each child’s birthday.
In the directors office was a binder with each child’s picture in the spine – binders with all the information for each child. This orphanage was not included in the sending orphanages because it lacked a playground, but that has been fixed (the lot next to it was bought and is being made into a playground), so hopefully soon the children there will also be able to find loving homes. (The director said she had now submitted all 23 children’s files)



Because we were visiting with the Holt program director, we were treated royally. We were met at the gate by the children and the director placed a garland of marigolds around each of us and our children as she greeted us with a Namaste. After the children’s day celebration with the kids, we all sat down to a lovely meal and at the end of that the director placed a mark of red mixed with rice on our foreheads and placed a scarf on each woman and a nepali hat for each of the men. It was such an honor for us.

I know I’m biased because it is my agency, but the difference between orphanages that I’ve seen is night and day.

Coming out of her shell

I can hardly believe it was only 3 days ago I first saw a quick little smile. Each day we get to meet a little more of Shanti, and she is more secure with us. Now she is willing to let me put her down when we are in our hotel room. She loves to play ball, and smiles when we toss the ball to her. But not only does she smile, she giggles; a cute, almost musical giggle, followed by a very unlady-like snort. I think she is going to do just fine.

Bhaktapur

Today we took a taxi to Bhaktapur, about 15 km from the city. It is a town that has chosen to limit the number of motorized vehicles. The result is wonderful. Rather than constantly dodging motorcycles and taxi’s in a rush to get to their next fare, there is time to relax and enjoy the beauty of the temple buildings and newari architecture without fearing for your life. It’s small with narrow cobblestone roads. It’s big enough to take a day to explore, not so big you would get lost. The only real negative of the place was all of the people asking if you needed a tour guide…after the 6th person asking if I needed a guide in less than that many minutes, I began to get a little short with them. Luckily once we got a bit past the entrance, the pestering ended.



Shanti was fascinated by all of the people and temples, and the Nepali people we passed in the street were equally fascinated with the two Caucasian people carrying a nepali baby. As soon as we got moving in our taxi, Shanti was asleep in less than a minute.cc

After Bhaktapur we went back to the Ministry of Foreign affairs to pick up our travel documents. We had scheduled an appointment for 4PM. This time we barely had to wait (less than 5 minutes) to get the official’s attention. It took another 45 minutes for him to make our children’s travel documents, but no problems, and he handed us Shanti’s Nepali travel document (still looks a lot like a passport, just is good for 1 year. One more document in hand!

After getting our travel documents we went back to the embassy doctor’s office. For some reason we spent over 90 minutes there for the doctor to fill out Shanti’s embassy physical. What exactly he was writing in the form is not clear considering his exam was less than 1 minute and he didn’t take any kind of history. I suppose I don’t really care as long as the US embassy is satisfied and we get to bring Shanti home.

Not stroller accessible

Today was the first day we haven’t had some meeting or another scheduled since we arrived in Kathmandu 8 days ago. There had been rumors of major Maoist marches going on through the city, but because we have been going a little stir crazy in our hotel, we decided to try to go to Swayambhunath affectionately known as “The Monkey Temple”. As one might guess from the name, monkeys roam freely throughout the grounds of the Buddist temple parts dating back as far as 400AD, but most of it much more modern….only 800 years old.






It’s a beautiful site on a hill that rises above the floor of the Kathmandu valley, so from the top you can see for miles around. The day was clear and hot and monkeys were plentiful as were the number of very steep steps. Shanti loves being carried in her hip hammock. I don’t know how she tolerates the ambient heat combined with body heat, but she does and she loves it and thrives on it.



It is also a special spot because we believe Shanti was found at the gate of this temple.

The process

This is part of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs Building where the travel documents for Nepali citizens are issued. We are waiting around to see if the official will see us.



It seemed once we became Shanti’s parents we should have been able to breathe a sigh of relief, and relax. But that is not the process. Thursday we became her parents. Friday at 10 AM we went to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs to ask them to issue Nepali travel documents for our daughter…..the official who we needed to speak to was too busy so he told us to come back at 12:30. At 12:30 we still needed to wait while he dealt with the people that had been there before us. More forms to fill out, passport photos to paste on applications, fees to pay. Drive back to the hotel for 1 hour to feed ourselves and Shanti, and then off to the US embassy doctor to have an exam and blood tests for Shanti’s US Visa. The exam was minimal. Heart, lung and abdominal exam followed by weight (done on a ratty old bathroom scale) and height. The blood test for Shanti was only a blood typing, but the children over 2 have to have a TB test done. They will have to return on Sunday to have those read.

Last, off to the Bluebird department store to pick up some necessary items – baby cereal, enriched dried baby milk, potty seats, etc. It’s a three story store with small quantities of just about anything you could want; from thermoses to spices to clothing and luggage.



Proud parents with their daughter Shanti

Forever in our arms

Shanti is now legally our daughter under Nepali law! We are thrilled beyond words. We feel so honored to be entrusted with this wonderful gift, this beautiful little girl, Shanti.

We first arrived at the Ministry at 2pm. We briefly met with officials, had an interview and photos taken by Reuters journalists, and then waited about 90 minutes while the other two families had their interview with the Under Secretary. At last it was our turn. We were ushered into a small room where Under Secretary Adhikari briefly interviewed us (maybe 20 minutes). He was very pleasant and genuinely warm. He seemed honestly curious to understand our motivations as to why we chose to adopt a child from Nepal, why we chose to adopt an infant, how we would teach her about her country of birth as we raised her, how we would care for her, and what our hopes were for her future in our family. We signed a legal document saying that we wished to be Shanti’s parents, and promised to take care of her, and send annual updates. Then as I held my breath, he took out papers with photos of Shanti and both J and I and he signed her official Adoption Decree.



The director of our orphanage placed a nepali mans hat on J, and placed a red and green necklace and red bangles on me to signify that now we were Nepali parents.

So now she is our daughter and we are her parents. What a beautiful sense of peace - Shanti

A smile

It was small and it was fleeting, but I got a smile today. I was gently tickling her forearms up to her shoulders, and she briefly, sweetly smiled. J saw it too.






Each day she is more and more comfortable with us. I can see it in the photos, her body is more relaxed, she will sit up rather than pressing her body and face against mine. She still wants to be held constantly, but it’s less desperately clingy and she is much more interactive with what is going on around her.

Thursday we meet with the Ministry. If all goes well, after that meeting Shanti will be our daughter under Nepali law and we will be able to take custody of her. I’m so nervous.




We are all so excited for you to be part of our family Shanti. Your brothers can't wait to meet you.

Changing Money

When we travel we usually don’t take a lot of cash with us. We bring just enough to get us through for 4 days or so and maybe an extra $100 for an emergency reserve. In just about every country I’ve been in you can use your bank card if it is part of the PLUS or CIRRUS network and the exchange rate is usually better than what you can get exchanging money in the country (this probably depends on your contract with your bank).

I say ‘just’ about every country, because I did have one uncomfortable week in Ecuador when I had $25 to my name only to discover that at that time the banks in Ecuador did not take PLUS any longer. But there’s always cash advances on your credit card, or western union if you get desperate.

Nepal does have PLUS ATM’s, or at least they say they’re PLUS, but after you enter your info, the ATM won’t complete the transaction. However, in my experience, it’s always useful to keep trying ATMs at other banks because sometimes you’ll find one….probably the only one in the whole city…that works. That’s where we were…no functioning ATM’s in all of Kathmandu….until last night.

We were wandering the market on the way to Durbar square looking for some clothes to buy the children at the orphanage when J excitedly tells me he has found one that works (Himalayan Bank ATM at the spice market). I had pretty much given up on ATMs in Kathmandu and was planning on doing a cash advance on our Visa in the morning. Quickly I went to try it out and enter my card and passcode……whirr…shuffle…...click “please take your cash below”. I’m now thrilled because I’ve found an ATM within walking distance that we can use to directly withdraw from our bank in the US. I quickly count the money, 15000 rupee (about $200). At about 12000 rupee, I hear a different, yet familiar, whirr and click. I stop counting the rupee to glance down at the ATM. Oh CRAP! It just ate my card. Frantically, I push every button I can find. “Your card has been recalled as it was not taken within the time limit (8 seconds). Please contact your home bank for retrieval” MY HOME BANK! MY HOME BANK! I yell at the machine….DON’T YOU REALIZE MY HOME BANK IS 12,000 MILES AWAY? The ATM calmly continues to display its message, then with a blink, dismisses me back to the screen that welcomes me to the Himalayan Bank.

So the good news is; there are functioning PLUS ATM’s in Kathmandu (at least one at the spice market). The bad news is you can’t use them if your bank card in on its way back to the US.

Remember: Get your bank card back in your hand before you count your money.