Changing Money

When we travel we usually don’t take a lot of cash with us. We bring just enough to get us through for 4 days or so and maybe an extra $100 for an emergency reserve. In just about every country I’ve been in you can use your bank card if it is part of the PLUS or CIRRUS network and the exchange rate is usually better than what you can get exchanging money in the country (this probably depends on your contract with your bank).

I say ‘just’ about every country, because I did have one uncomfortable week in Ecuador when I had $25 to my name only to discover that at that time the banks in Ecuador did not take PLUS any longer. But there’s always cash advances on your credit card, or western union if you get desperate.

Nepal does have PLUS ATM’s, or at least they say they’re PLUS, but after you enter your info, the ATM won’t complete the transaction. However, in my experience, it’s always useful to keep trying ATMs at other banks because sometimes you’ll find one….probably the only one in the whole city…that works. That’s where we were…no functioning ATM’s in all of Kathmandu….until last night.

We were wandering the market on the way to Durbar square looking for some clothes to buy the children at the orphanage when J excitedly tells me he has found one that works (Himalayan Bank ATM at the spice market). I had pretty much given up on ATMs in Kathmandu and was planning on doing a cash advance on our Visa in the morning. Quickly I went to try it out and enter my card and passcode……whirr…shuffle…...click “please take your cash below”. I’m now thrilled because I’ve found an ATM within walking distance that we can use to directly withdraw from our bank in the US. I quickly count the money, 15000 rupee (about $200). At about 12000 rupee, I hear a different, yet familiar, whirr and click. I stop counting the rupee to glance down at the ATM. Oh CRAP! It just ate my card. Frantically, I push every button I can find. “Your card has been recalled as it was not taken within the time limit (8 seconds). Please contact your home bank for retrieval” MY HOME BANK! MY HOME BANK! I yell at the machine….DON’T YOU REALIZE MY HOME BANK IS 12,000 MILES AWAY? The ATM calmly continues to display its message, then with a blink, dismisses me back to the screen that welcomes me to the Himalayan Bank.

So the good news is; there are functioning PLUS ATM’s in Kathmandu (at least one at the spice market). The bad news is you can’t use them if your bank card in on its way back to the US.

Remember: Get your bank card back in your hand before you count your money.

Attachment

I’ve read about attachment, and with the adoption of our second son our experience was very smooth, he was only 6 months old and made the transition easily. We had seen him grow in photographs every 2 weeks before we met him, and he was in excellent fostercare where there was only one other child (and two caregivers during the day). On top of that his personality is such that he is an outgoing friendly active boy, and he doesn’t care much whether there is routine in his life or not. So his transition to join our family was easy. I still watch for signs of attachment issues, occasionally worry that his charismatic nature is somehow a sign of attachment dysfunction, but most of the time realize that is just who he is.

With a 16 month-old child the transition is much more difficult. Shanti is grieving the loss of her orphanage family. She makes progress each day toward trusting us (mostly me), but much of the time she spends burrowing her head against my chest and clinging. She’ll have a few minutes where she seems to be coming out of her shell – playing with a toy a little, interested in what is going on in the room, then suddenly, as if she realizes where she is, she stops, whimpers and burrows her head against my chest or neck crying softly.


I think my expectations were a little different, than this reality. It’s ok, but we’re having to adjust and move slower than we expected. I think I thought after a few days she would learn we weren’t so bad and would treat us as if we were her babysitters – maybe not so excited to see us, but accepting that we were caring for her, and being able to play on the floor or in the grass independently for a bit of time. But that is not where she is. In someways the difficulty of the transition is a good sign, a sign that she is profoundly attached to her caregivers at the orphanage, and now profoundly grieving their loss. This means that she can form deep attachments and overtime will attach this deeply to us, her new family. But it is so hard to see. I wish I could take away your pain baby girl.

Orphanage

The orphanage that Shanti has been living in has 52 children. It was relatively quiet and not chaotic at all. I don’t know if that is a good sign or a bad sign. I would have guessed maybe 16-20 children. About 5 are 2 and under, maybe another 6-8 are ages 3-5, and the rest school age. One adorable 5 year old appears to have some sort of genetic disorder – a little like achondroplasia (abnormal bone development). None the less he is the friendliest little guy appears developmentally on track– I do hope he finds a family.


Shanti's crib that she shares with at least one other child


The dining room.









The children appear well cared for, although it appears that a lot of the care of the younger ones falls on the older girls. The home is strict vegetarian, and Hinduism plays a major role on the children’s lives. The upper level has a prominent shrine, with many pictures of Sathya Sai Baba – a charismatic hindi leader.




The orphanage is run by a couple in their late 40’s – early 50’s and they live in the house with the children. It appears that there are minimal records kept on the children, and no photographs of their time in the orphanage.

In my arms

Today I got to hold Shanti in my arms. Her orphanage director brought her to our hotel for a visit here. She fell asleep on the way here to awaken to the entirely foreign surroundings of our hotel room. Poor thing was so frightened. She clung to me as if I was her life boat in an angry sea. She cried any time I tried to put her down or have my husband take her, not a wailing cry, a sweet frightened cry. She warmed up after an offering of a banana. She seemed to enjoy playing with the sensory balls I had brought for her (bright air filled balls with bumps all over them). But what she really liked was the keys to the hotel room and the TV remote. What is it that universally attracts kids to remote controls?

After several hours, we went with her back to the orphanage, she was so happy to see her didi (the women who normally cares for her) and immediately brightened and reached out for her. Once in her didi’s arms she turned back to me and dismissed me by waving goodbye, making it clear that she was happy to be back in her familiar surroundings, in her familiar arms and I could go now. I wish I could make this transition easier for her. Her life as she knows it is about to change so much.

Afterward we went to the bluebird market to get supplies we hadn’t remembered to bring with us, then met with the other two families from our agency, our program director and our Nepal representative for dinner at a traditional Nepalese restaurant. It was a good venue to relax and talk about our common experiences and what is to come. The food was good, varied with a mix of tastes that were unique. The only thing I really didn’t care for was the tea, it was earthy slightly buttery and brought back strong memories of our recent visit with the boys to the petting zoo at the State Fair. I think I just experienced yak butter tea.

Tomorrow I get to hold her again.

Meeting Shanti

Meeting Shanti:

Shanti is now 16 months old. We have waited 4 months for our final approval, and now finally get to meet her. I know you all are waiting too, so here she is, sweet adorable Shanti



When we first walked in the orphanage a 40 something women in a pink sari, was holding the cutest little girl with dark curly hair and the longest eyelashes you’ve ever seen. Was this her? The woman talked to her and said mama then something in hindi and pointed at me again and said mama. I was afraid to believe it. This beautiful little girl is to be our little girl. Shanti.

Our first meeting was good. Shanti held tight to the orphanage director (the lady in the pink sari) and slowly got too the point where she would make eye contact with me and let me touch her. She seems healthy, well cared for, developmentally on track, and very attached to the orphanage director. At 16 months, most children who are well attached have pretty strong “stranger anxiety”. So I was happy to see that she didn’t want anything to do with me or J, and clung to the orphanage director for comfort. We stayed for about an hour talking with the director, making plans, and playing games with Shanti while she sat on the director’s lap. The cutest little boys (each about 4 years old) kept peeking into the room at the funny strangers in their house, smiling shyly then hiding again. It makes me so sad to think that they too need parents.

The plan as best I understand it at this time is this:
We visit Shanti in the orphanage until next Thursday (so about 1 week), then go to the ministry to file paperwork to give us custody of Shanti. She will then leave the orphanage and be with us at our hotel (although she may be able to visit with us at our hotel before Thursday – not entirely clear about that yet). Once we have custody, the ministry has to issue the paperwork, and Nepali travel documents must be issued (not a passport). These must be translated into English, an appointment for the embassy interview made, and Shanti must be examined by an embassy doctor. Visa photos must be taken, and finally the embassy interview will be done. After that, assuming approval by the US embassy, we wait 1-2 business days for the US visa for Shanti to be issued (still not clear if it is an IR3 or IR4, but I think it is likely it’ll be an IR3 from my understanding of the process) Then we can get on the plane back to the US. The big unknowns in all of this is how long will it take the ministry to issue the final paperwork, and get nepali travel documents, and will all of the paperwork be what the US embassy requires or will they need other documents.

We will visit her again later today. I can’t wait.

It's been a blur

Last Thursday rumors surfaced that there were three final approvals issued in Kathmandu, but no official word until Monday morning when we were informed that Shanti’s final approval had been issued. We were thrilled, and hoping we could travel soon. But as in all things, be careful what you wish for…. Because of recent political instability and major upcoming Nepali holidays, our agency asked us to make travel arrangements to be in Kathmandu by no later than Saturday. Now from our home to Kathmandu is somewhere between 33 and 46 hours depending on your route, and don’t forget you lose a day crossing the international dateline, so in order for us to get to Kathmandu we needed to leave by Wednesday…yes, less than 48 hours after we were notified….oh yes and not to mention that I had a full clinic and surgery schedule Monday and I was on call until Tuesday morning at 7 am for my clinic and citycall (the doctor responsible for anyone who comes to the hospital who does not have a regular doctor --- and trust me that’s a lot of people these days). So I don’t know how I managed it, but in less than 2 days I somehow did the following:

Took care of my patients and call patients.
Arranged for child care for the boys (thanks mom!)
Wrote, signed and notarized temporary guardianship, consent for medical treatment for our boys and our updated will
Arranged travel – can you believe we managed to get to Kathmandu on frequent flyer miles?
Rescheduled my clinic for the next 3 weeks (thanks Vita! and everyone else at the front desk!)
Stopped the mail
Got Notarized and State Certified Power of Attorneys for DH (J) and myself if one of us has to stay longer in Kathmandu
Got our travel documents for Shanti’s adoption together and notarized
Packed the boys stuff for their stay at Grandma’s
Packed our stuff for Travel
Found enough clothes for Shanti for 5 days worth (I hadn’t done any shopping because I am so superstitious to think that if I did, something would fall through – Thank you Laurie for the hand me downs! – they’re adorable.
Put together our medical kit (being a doctor, it’s pretty extensive)

That’s just my list. J’s list was equally long..you get the idea. Lots of stuff, no sleep. Not to mention, torn up by having to leave my two little boys for 3 weeks.

I think I was really looking forward to the 13 hour LAX to Seoul portion of our trip (sleep was pure bliss). The travel was amazingly smooth. Minimal layovers, good food all the way (gotta love frequent flyer business class – Korean Air is incredible!) and generally on time connections (there was one brief panic about making connections in LAX – but that was quickly forgotten).

We made it to Kathmandu 45 min ahead of schedule, so waited at the airport for our ride. The people were wonderful. There were the usual touts trying to get you to come to their hotel or tour (really pretty minimal). But what I found amazing was that when we said that someone was meeting us but was late, several of the touts offered to help us by calling our contact from their cellphone. Turns out our contact was caught in traffic so we arranged to meet him at our hotel (our hotel van had arrived at the airport for our pickup).

Once at the hotel (Yak and Yeti – beautiful grounds and a children’s pool which will be really nice once we have Shanti), we met up with our agency rep. He was late to the airport because he had been at the ministry arranging for us to be able to actually go to Shanti’s orphanage and see her. He casually asked when would we like to go see her. Would today be ok? What? I thought maybe I was misunderstanding his English, we were not expecting to be able to see her until Sunday at the best. Yes! Absolutely! Without a doubt! So after 38 hours of travel, now shower, grundgy travel clothes, flat hair, unshowered, unprepared. We hopped in his car and made our way to meet Shanti.

Shanti

On May 8, we received the referral of a beautiful little girl born at the end of April 2008. Her name is Shanti and we hope the Ministry will soon give its final approval of the match. We are waiting somewhat impatiently, but hope to hear news late June, and travel to Nepal in late July or early August to meet her and become her parents.