2 years old! Birthday and other pictures

Dinosaur Train

Admitedly I'm a huge fan of PBS, and it doesn't hurt that I have two boys age almost 3 and 5 who adore trains and dinosaurs....but when I happened upon this series what hit me as the mom of a multicultural family was the way the pteranodon family has an adopted child (a t-rex) and how it's handled. Love it! Click on the link and go to the dinosaur train theme song (you have to scroll down with the arrow at the bottom left on the page)....it'll give you a little taste:

Dinosaur Train

Every family is different about how they approach adoption, we as a family are most comfortable simply focusing on the fact that we are a family and having fun incorporating many cultures into our family with an emphasis on Latino culture, and Nepali culture. It's just part of our everyday life. That being said, we don't read a bunch of adoption themed books, but I do try to incorporate books that have themes about it's ok to be different and there are many kinds of families and about the different cultures and places in the world.

We talk about birthmoms from time to time and our youngest son has talked a couple of times on the phone to his birthmom (not a meaningful conversation as they don't speak the same language yet - but meaningful in that it is a way to explain to him who his birthmother is). We talk about having different features and how some of our features are different because we come from different places....but we don't make a big deal about it. Really at this stage our 5 year old (bio) son has the most questions about adoption and what it means.

I'm not good about finding play groups with other families with adopted children from Nepal and Guatemala - mainly because I don't have time to even think about a play group right now, but we are lucky in that our daycare/preschool is reasonably multicultural and there are at least 4 other families at our daycare with children who have been adopted internationally. But I have fallen short of my goal of seeking out friends and socializing with families from other cultures. I hope I can do better as our kids get older because although now they are seen as a child from a multicultural family, when they are older they will be seen primarily as a Latino or a Nepali person and it is important that they are comfortable with what that means in our society.

Happy New Year

It's a new year and so much has changed yet so much is the same. One year ago we were a family of 4, relatively settled in our comfortable life. We were so excited because Nepal had just opened it's doors to accepting dossiers from families hoping to adopt a nepali orphan. Our life was good, we were incredibly blessed with two boys ages 2 and 4, yet something was missing, and now one year later that missing piece has been found. One small girl from Nepal joined our family and although adding a family member shook up the balance a little in our lives, we are so happy she joined our family.

The journey over this past year was stressful to say the least. There is so much uncertainty in so many things involved in the process of international adoption. Add to that a completely new program of adoption hoping to abolish the episodes of corruption that tainted the prior program and led to its closure in 2007. Finally mix in a country who's government is in flux, trying to establish itself after the monarchy was abolished. There were so many moments I felt that there was no hope, felt powerless to do anything truly effective to get our daughter home. It was hard to bear.....very hard. Although I won't forget the anxiety that at times consumed my thoughts, the edges are now softer, worn down by the giggles and hugs I get daily from our 20 month old daughter.

I wish I had words of wisdom to ease the pain of those who are still waiting. It is so hard to bear the uncertainty of not knowing if you'll ever be able to be the parent of a child that so needs a family. I do wish that somehow that the families that are waiting somehow find a little peace. I do wish the Ministry and all others involved would get their act together, and just get the children into homes. Our daughter was so shut down when we met her at her orphanage, now she is a vibrant, bright-eyed toddler, excited to explore her world. I wish the same for the other children waiting.

How long will it take, and how much will it cost?

I didn't save these, but check them out on the public access blog if you're interested

http://nepaladoptionrumors.blogspot.com/

Back to everyday life

We’re getting back to our routine. Bug went with us to see the lion king. He was so excited he had made a little giraffe mask in preschool and asked to wear it to the musical. Ok, I’m biased, but I thought he was adorable. He loved the show and walked all the way back to the car making giant giraffe steps. All week since then, it’s been non-stop fantasy play about the lion king for him. He’s pretended to be every character in the show.


I told one of my patients that Shanti’s name means “peace” so she promptly went out and bought her the cutest top which of course says “Peace” in little blue peace signs.


Then today we went up to the lake to pull the dock out of the water…well, James pulled the dock out and I kept the kids out of the way. It was the kids first long ride in the car together. They did pretty well, although at about halfway (45 min) Shanti decided she had had enough of the carseat thing and fussed until she fell asleep. Shanti also seemed a little shocked by being out in nature. She was fascinated that the ground was cold and damp. She going to be shocked when snow falls. I’m sure we’ll make her into a Alaska girl soon enough though.

Coming up for Air

We did make it home… almost 7 days ago now. It has been a whirlwind since then. Or maybe it’s just seemed like a whirlwind with everyone adjusting to local time, local weather, being back at work, and for the boys, back at daycare. But perhaps most significantly, we are adjusting to now being a family of 5.

The night we got home, the boys were waiting with my mother at our house. They were so excited to actually meet their new sister. I was nervous, expecting the worst….tears, Shanti being upset at sharing her new mommy with two other kids, the boys not understanding why their little sister was scared of them, not wanting to share their mommy with this new kid in their house…..but none of that was true. The boys were so happy to finally meet Shanti and were enthralled by her. We had been showing Shanti photos of her brothers for the week before we came home; it really seemed to help too. Shanti warmed up to them almost immediately and within 5 minutes she was playing with toys they had brought to her out of their toybox. My mother had prepped the boys that Shanti might be scared at first and they needed to be gentle with her, but no worries. Within a day and a half, Shanti was fully holding her own and happy to challenge anyone who questioned her ownership of every ball in the house.





Shanti is also slowly warming up to the other people in her life. She loves to play with her daddy now and even occasionally will let him comfort her. She also has accepted my mother after a rough 4 hours on our first Monday back. Unfortunately I had to go back to work the day after we returned from Nepal, so my mother has been watching her while I’m at work. They say it’s not the best for a newly adopted child’s attachment to have other caregivers in so soon….but given being gone from work for 4 weeks, there really wasn’t any other choice.

So we’re doing well, we’re happy, and we’re a family. It just feels so right……chaotic, but right.

Airport details

We made it on the plane from Kathmandu to Seoul, but not without some drama. I had called Kore*n Air Kathmandu office 4 days before we left to let our airline know that we were bringing Shanti back with us as a lap child. “No problem, you’ll have to pay taxes and a small fee” ….Is there anything else you need….her travel document number? My visa card number? “No it’s all done…no problem”. I hang up and think, wow, that was easy……I really should have thought…”Hmmmmm that was _too_ easy”

So we reconfirm our flight the night before and the morning of, just to be safe. We give ourselves plenty of time to get to the airport (leave the hotel 3 hours before our flight) . Surprisingly with Dashain festivities there is virtually no traffic and we make it to the airport in record time and we get in the line to check in. Small problem; there is no record of us having a lap child. After 20 minutes or so, they understand what we need, and tell us it’ll cost $260-something. No problem….oh there is a problem….we traveled on frequent flyer mileage tickets and for some reason they can’t connect a lap child to a frequent flyer ticket….now the airline employee’s suggest we stay in Kathmandu for a few days while they sort this out (No…..please don’t say that! I’m so ready to be home), so after 90 minutes of biting my nails, and after the full time efforts of 5 heroic KAL employees one of them finally smiles….they’ve done it! I’m so relieved I can’t describe it….but it was short lived. I pull out my credit card “You don’t have cash?” Apparently they’re not set up at the airport to take credit cards. We finally realize we can use our credit card to get a cash advance. J walks with the ticket agent to the airport bank where they get the cash. Somehow the price has changed to only $159. And now we’re late, so late we get to have an escort to help us run from point to point and cut ahead in line. We rush up the stairs (for some reason the airport no longer charges a $23. exit tax) to the second security checkpoint where they open up our bags and go through absolutely everything – opening up makeup containers, flipping though papers, books and everything else. Although they allow a 10 oz package of premade dal (what would no doubt be considered a liquid in the US), apparently small toy balls filled with air are contraband, so Shanti’s little yellow ball that she loves so dearly gets to stay in Kathmandu. Next stop Customs where they need not only our passports, Shanti’s travel document and the declaration sheet you got when you entered the country, but also a copy of Shanti’s adoption decree and a copy of her travel document (make copies and bring them with you). Finally we pass through and make it to the gate as the plane is boarding. 6 hours later we are finally in Seoul. Clean orderly, quiet Seoul. One step closer to home.