I could have written this....

Is it RAD? or is it just his personality?  LB joined our family through adoption.  He was born in Guatemala was only six months old when he joined our family.  He spent his first 6 months in fostercare with a very attentive and loving foster mother who had only one other child in the home.  He lived with his foster mother from the age of 4 days old until he joined our family at 6 months.   His transition was smooth.....in retrospect, maybe too smooth.  He came to our arms smiling giggling and never looked back.   He had eye contact and a smile that drew everyone in, and he used it on everyone...... indiscriminantly.  In public he is an angel, everyone loves him, but at home he is very different.  ....... he is now 4 and I could have written this, but I didn't.  



My Child is RAD.
Reactive Attachment Disordered that is. 

And to you he is the most adorable, affectionate, loving child you have ever met. He melts you with every smile. He warms your heart with his engaging disposition. 

In your Sunday school class he is the most well behaved student you have. 

In your classroom he always listens and obeys. 

When you come to our home to visit, he will grab your hand and show you around. He will hug you and make you feel like you are the most welcome guest we have ever had. He may even convince you that you have some sort of special bond with him. 

It is hard for me to tell you that you are not special at all. In fact he does this with everyone. He does this with the creepy guy at the mall. He does this with the checkout lady at the food store. 

In fact he does this with just about everyone he meets.

Except for me. 

When I tell you what our life is like you look at me like I am crazy. You wonder how on earth such a sweet child could do or be all of the things I have said. You start questioning our parenting. You begin wondering if it is really us that has the issues.

You just see this cute little child. 

You aren't here when he tantrums and screams. You aren't here when he refuses to eat. You aren't here when he eats until he is ill. You aren't here for the constant chatter. You aren't here when he stays awake all hours of the night. You aren't here when he triangulates us. Or when he does every possible annoying thing he can think of to each of his siblings. You aren't here when he won't share his toys or when he goes crazy because one of his little siblings took something away. 

You don't see how he can't make eye contact. Or how he fidgets when I come close to him. Or how he gags himself in time out. 

You just don't see it. 

Yes, he is an adorable child. 

But, he also has RAD. 

We don't love him any less. We just have to parent him very different.